Apr 05, 2025
I have at least 8 blogs sitting there in my draft folder that I've been excited about writing, but this story I'm here to
tell today is why it's taken me so long to get another blog out. This week I was officially diagnosed with endometriosis.
After years of various issues, medications, struggles, and pain I finally have a definitive diagnosis to guide me towards
finding relief. That being said, I don't suspect this blog post is for everyone. I am writing it for those who are experiencing
the same sorts of pain, symptoms, and struggles that I have and can find comfort in knowing what steps they can take to
hopefully get answers. (Or for folks that are just curious about my life and story I suppose.)
The History
When I was a teenager, I had plenty of health issues as it related to my menstrual cycle. I had multiple ovarian cysts rupture,
incredibly painful periods, trips to the emergency room, and more. I was put on birth control around then and always had a
terrible time remembering to take the pills or even understanding what it was doing or how it helped. In time, it became
a natural part of my life -- being absolutely miserable on my period and having to shape my life around it. As I got older,
and had more control over my medical care, I was able to see a better gynecologist who was truly dedicated to helping me
navigate this awful experience. He was the first to tell me about endometriosis and that he suspected I had it. Back then,
it was believed the only way to diagnose endometriosis was to have surgery and look around for it. The doctor told me that
a simple option would be to use the Nuvaring for a bit and see if it helped. Over time, he encouraged me to start skipping periods
by taking the Nuvaring frequently. This worked for a while in reducing my period related issues, but then I started experiencing
pain and firmness in my breasts. It grew to be so much that I had to stop taking the Nuvaring for a while.
Once my lovely gynecologist in Austin retired, I was forced back onto the market trying to find answers and help to no avail.
When I moved up to New York City, I continued to bounce around between different doctors and eventually settled back on the Nuvaring
again, but this time with a changed schedule of 3 months of skipped periods and one month of having a period in order to try to
avoid the breast pain and minimize the endometriosis damage and discomfort. Unfortunately, in the past 6 months, I began to
experience some of the worst periods I've ever had. Ones so bad they reminded me of my trips to the emergency room as a teenager
for the ovarian cysts. I was devastated to be completed trapped at home within my flesh vessel suffering continuously.
The Experience
For me, not only is the pain awful, but the forced limitation. If you get stuck with a terrible day in an unpredictable way,
you lose your agency with your free time. You still have to show up to work, school, wherever and keep on keeping on. But
how can you crack a smile when you feel like your insides are being ripped apart? Not only that, but it feels like pressure
and pain pulling on your other organs. Your trips to the bathroom can also be quite painful and... well... eventful. My
periods can be extremely heavy, the cramps can be unbearable, and sometimes I don't even feel strong enough to walk.
So, you lie there on the couch with a heating pad and plenty of pain meds just begging, hoping, and wishing it would pass --
or worse -- you're stuck at your work desk, having to grin and bear it through a meeting while your insides feel like they're
mired with barbed wire.
Getting the Diagnosis
For the longest time, I was fine enough with expressing that I had "suspected" endometriosis and a history of ovarian cysts. But,
as my periods started getting worse again, I was hitting my limit. Enter my lovely dietitian, Laura Iu.
As someone who had also suffered from endometriosis, she was able to relate to me and help me navigate getting help.
With her encouragement, I went back to my current gynecologist armed with confidence and information. My gynecologist suggested we
start with an MRI and potentially start an endometriosis specific medication. It was the first time hearing that
endometriosis could possibly be diagnosed with an MRI. I was nervous because either answer would feel bad in a different way.
Getting the diagnosis would be helpful but upsetting while having an inconclusive MRI would feel like maybe everything was in my head. But,
that's the thing! You can still have endometriosis even if it doesn't show up on an MRI.
Days went by and my doctor called to give me the news: there was definitive proof that I had endometriosis in 3 places
within my pelvic area. To imagine just how bad it had to be for it to show up on an MRI in three separate places was shocking.
As I mentioned before, I was relieved to finally have a solid answer but also terrified of what that would mean for my future.
My doctor has been working with me to get me set up on some medication; however, United Healthcare decided to deny my authorization
for the medication so that is where we sit today. A diagnosis, but no current treatment.
In Conclusion & Next Steps
Marching into any health journey is terrifying. You have to have fight for yourself, trust and confidence in your experience,
resilience to keep going, willingness to learn, ability to adapt, time, energy, and patience to get through it all and not
to mention, as an American, the damn money to do it. And here I sit with a terrible insurance organization doing everything
within it's power to make my life difficult. So what happens now? What's next?
Well, my first step is to take a day of rest. I've been fighting and dealing with the pain at the same time -- so today
I'm taking the day to feel my feelings, write them out here, and rest. After today, I will pick up the fight again. I
will search for an endometriosis specialist within the city that can help me navigate this new perspective that I have.
There are a few options for treatment like surgery, hysterectomy, medications, and more. What's important to me is to find
the best right fit for me specifically. I want to understand details and make an informed decision. Once I know, I'll do my best
to circle back here and write about what I learn and what direction I take. So for now, I'll rest, but tomorrow I'll fight.
So, if you too are suffering from endometriosis, I would love to hear from you. What did you do? Where are you in your journey?
Any information or recommendations that you have? And if you suspect that you might have endometriosis, I hope this post
helped validate your experience and gives you some encouragement to fight for yourself. I don't have a perfect happy ending,
but the more visible this issue becomes, the more help we can all get.
Reccomendations
I'm still young in my exploration of endometriosis, but I want to give you the same information that I have. Check these folks
out and see if the information helps you. And if you have additional recommendations you think I should add, please let me know!
- My Amazing Dietitian Laura Iu and her amazing Instagram:
Laura is the reason I finally buckled down and started seeking more explicit help. She tells about her own endometriosis journey
and encouraged me to get better help. I went from accepting my pain and suffering to actively seeking answers and support.
Additionally, she has helped me navigate many crazy changes in my life from dental problems to managing prediabetes. She has
been, far and away, the most helpful practitioner I've ever had. I cannot recommend her enough. Having a dietitian has radically
changed my life for the better. Whether it's diet or endometriosis related, Laura is well worth the follow!
- Dr. Melissa McHale was recommended to me via one of my cosplay connections. Her
videos are helpful, fun, and informative. She breaks down the various symptoms and treatments in a way that is easy to understand.
Wrap Up
So that's where I've been: in the endometriosis trenches. I have every intention of putting out more posts, getting back to my
activism, and exploring more fun topics. I'm hoping my next posts will involve some of my pixel art too! Thanks for reading :)
One last thing: oh my god we literally need project managers for your health. That feels like a service everyone could use.
Shouldn't that be your primary care doctor? Or perhaps someone at that office? It feels like we just need someone to keep
track as well as help find next steps. There has to be a better way!!!
Mar 09, 2025
It feels like you can't escape the news and the world right now (and perhaps maybe you shouldn't...). My take is that
it's worth having a healthy perspective of how to interact with social media, the various algorithms, and the news cycle.
I've found these videos to be really helpful, not only in understanding the impact of social media, but also how to
interact with it in a way that better serves ourselves. I want to urge you to give them a chance or at least put them
on in the background. I've created a playlist of the videos, for this
blog post to make it even easier. Let's dive in and I'll explain as I go.
1) A Healthy Interaction With ~Your~ Algorithm
Technology Connections' most recent video: "Algorithms are breaking how we think" (37m 51s)
Technology Connection's videos are always an incredible source of deep information and understanding of the various technologies we interact with.
His latest video is no different. I've been feeling the pain of the "enshitification"
of the internet and social media, but TC gave me some much-needed perspective on how I am interacting with these various
feeds of information. He coins the term "algorithmic complacency" which he explains that many people are "so used to
algorithmically-generated feeds that they no longer care to have a self-directed experience that they are in control of."
He goes on to say, "More and more people don't seem to know or care how to view the world without a computer algorithm
guiding what they see."
Every service has moved further from a sensical, chronological feed of information from people you chose to follow to a
feed that has the specific desire to keep you maximally engaged with the site as long as possible in order to serve you
more and more ads. Doom-scrolling again for hours? That just made the company another $100 dollars of ad revenue. The
systems are not designed to help us find good content, they are instead designed to keep us engaged.
So, how do we deal with that? Well, one suggestion TC makes, in the context of YouTube itself, is instead of using the home
page to find videos, use your "Subscriptions" page to find videos specifically from creators you are following. To expand on
that idea, you can apply the same principle to other social media platforms. Bluesky offers a "following" feed that is
exclusively people you follow. Even TikTok has a "following" feed! Doing this allows you more agency into what content
you are digesting as well as being your own vetted and curated feed by you yourself. TC goes on to say, "I still
discover new accounts all the time, but through stuff the ones I'm following have shared." So even if you focus on your
"following" feed, you can still discover new accounts and content, but it will be through your curated-by-you feed.
Of the videos I'm recommending today, this one I feel is probably the most important.
TL;DW or R:
- Use more of your "following" or "subscriptions" feeds to find content
- Use the people you are following to discover new accounts and content
2) Adjusting Your Window of Tolerance
Reject Convenience's most recent video "What if you can't reject convenience?" (12m 41s)
Like Technology Connections, Reject Convenience is a great source of information and insight into the internet, privacy,
and, well, rejecting convenience. Most known for switching to a "dumb phone", RC's latest video is actually a short response
video to the comments he received about the fear and uncertainty around rejecting smart devices.
RC explains the concept of the Window of Tolerance. Watch the video for a much better explanation, but the idea is you
have to understand what you are capable of tolerating when it comes to a specific change you want to make. One of the
examples provided is about using the app Instagram. You might personally feel uncomfortable using Instagram, but your
friends and family might not be able to leave it behind. You could delete instagram, but that might mean you lose connections
to certain friends and family. RC suggests that you can adjust your tolerance of the situation by reviewing some of the
privacy settings within the app itself. RC further suggests that in some cases, you may even be able to convince your
friends and family to communicate with a different app that you all agree on. No matter what your level of tolerance is,
RC suggests you can find ways to make changes to make you feel a bit more comfortable but also not go too extreme to feel
completely cut off.
Give it a watch. And maybe check out RC's other videos to learn a bit more about privacy and the internet.
3) Big Brother Is Influencing You AND Watching You
Philosophy Tube video "TikTok vs Democracy" (39m 28s)
Our last video for today is from Abigail Thorn of Philosophy Tube. She has quickly become one of my favorite
subscriptions on YouTube. She delivers the information in such a fun and clear way. Her videos are so well done with
such incredible details including costumes, sets, props, and more. Each video comes with a bibliography of sources and
references.
In this video, she breaks down many issues, but one of the first is "information overload" -- how we become complacent
in our learning news and ideas with so much information constantly being blasted into our eyes. We are unable to dig further
than a quick headline and a short tweet.
She also talks about how social media social movements, like Occupy Wallstreet, lack the leadership and staying power due to
them spreading so quickly that the movement has no chance to organize and build resiliency. They come and go but don't seem
to have any staying power.
Next, she goes on to explain how social media is unable to hold people accountable for anything. She elaborates that
the systems have been designed in such a way that there is no specific one individual to hold accountable for the issues
that exist.
Finally, she elaborates on the topic of "surveillance capitalism" and how social media platforms and other tech companies
have your data & information and then use that information to predict if and when you will purchase something. Furthermore,
they can then use that information to begin to modify your behavior by slowly influencing you via those served ads or
algorithms. She then draws this same concept to politics and governments. If companies are capable of predicting and
modifying your behavior, why couldn't the government do the same?
My Parting Thoughts
It's been made clear through not only these videos but also my specific experiences on the internet that I no longer want
to have my agency with information, knowledge, and ideas taken away from me. I do not want to slowly be manipulated into
a way of thinking or be stuck scrolling for hours to feed a metric that gives companies more and more dollars just for
my time. I want to connect with my peers and develop my own ideas and opinions based on my own beliefs. We are subjected
to so much information that at some point, even the correct, real information is treated as false or worse, unimportant.
How can we care when everything feels like a fire or a meme. We've been lulled into laziness and complacency.
As I encountered these concepts, it made me wonder how do we address these issues? Do I beg my friends to swap to other
forms of communication? Do I educate more people on these thoughts and beliefs? Do I learn more and more tech skills so
that I'm better equipped to protect myself? Is it time to start tearing apart how routers work to learn how I can
prevent any piece of my data getting into the hands of Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos? It feels so extreme, but at the same
time it feels important to try.
I'm not sure if we have the best right answer today. But I don't want to blindly walk forward continuing to serve the larger
systems and machines that aren't serving me.
I hope you were also able to get a little something out of these videos or this blog. It's not all doom and gloom, you
do have some control and agency over what you digest and who you share it with. Hold on to that hope and find others
who do the same.
Mar 08, 2025
After many years of avoiding books, I've recently started reading more. It started with the book
Atomic Habits by James Clear. It was suggested to me by
my psychiatrist as a different perspective on how I could make effective changes to my life. A single sentiment
stuck with me: if you want to become a reader, read. As silly as it sounds, that was all it took for me. I started by
simply reading for 5 minutes, then in time it was easy to read more. I read on the train, I read on the couch, it didn't
matter where, I would simply read. From there, I created my own philosophy about reading.
Well Rounded Reading Health Philosophy
I came up with categories for my reading philosophy:
- Junk Food - books that do not challenge me, but simply entertain me.
- Actual History - historical records written that fill in the gaps of my education that Texas didn't give me.
- Philosophy & Self Help - books causing me to shape & challenge my sense of self and my beliefs.
- Activism - books that teach me how our predecessors fought for their rights and how we can do better.
- Interests - books about topics that intrigue me.
Junk Food
I reach for a junk food book when I want to keep the momentum of reading itself going, but I may not be interested
in challenging myself. This is a great book for before bed or when I need to get some distance from technology. For me,
I've been reading the Song of the Lioness series by
Tamora Pierce. I'm on book 4 of the series, and I've quite enjoyed it. Although I call it junk food, I think reading
in any capacity is important; however, my specific goal with reading is to grow as a person and catch up on my education.
I keep one of these books around at all times, but I may not always be focused on it.
Actual History
While Junk Food can get me into the spirit of reading, my true purpose is education. As I have grown older and as I have
read more and more, I've learned the heartbreaking reality that Texas simply did not educate me properly. While those
history classes gave me some high level highlights of history, I've learned that there were many omissions or key details
that were simply left out or slightly morphed into a different message. The first book I tackled on my "Actual History"
journey was A Black Women's History of the United States.
Truly, this book floored me. It opens by expressing that black people's history and especially black women's history is
so hard to track because of the limited amount of resources available. The authors set out to piece together journeys
of black women throughout American history from America's earliest days to present day. When the authors lack a specific
or direct record, they will find resources around the same time period and subject to express how the black woman's
experience could have been. In addition to piecing together older history, the authors explore and expand upon context
and history of famous black women in the United States. The story of Rosa Parks is taught in Texas history classes, at
a general level, but they omitted the Montgomery bus boycott, how long it lasted, how many other black women were
involved, how another black woman, Claudette Colvin, was the first to be arrested for refusing to give up her seat an
entire 9 months prior to Rosa Parks. These sorts of details enlightened me to the broader picture of American History
and what I had been missing.
The message I want to convey to you about my "Actual History" idea is that we must learn from our history, but we also
must ensure the history we learn is accurate and with important context.
Philosophy & Self Help
The next category is more focused on self-improvement. How can I find confidence in myself and my existence? I want to
be able to identify the true boundaries and beliefs of myself and be able to operate without question. For so long, I
shaped who I was around what I thought was important but didn't have a concrete idea of why or how it was important. So,
the journey to search for my true self felt like the best way to prevent myself from questioning my actions. It would
reduce the amount of time, effort, and energy to simply exist. When I engage with self-help content, I am first trying
to understand if it matches my philosophy and beliefs. After that, I am trying to analyze what components I can apply
or introduce into my lifestyle to make an effective change or high impact.
I would classify the Atomic Habits book as my first book in this category; however,
The Courage to Be Disliked was arguably
more impactful recently. I aligned pretty strongly with, I'd estimate, 90% of the book's content and philosophy. The
general premise is, as the title suggests, being able to be your true self knowing that others will not always like you.
This book gave me the understanding and confidence to build those stronger boundaries and beliefs around myself. I find
it's much easier to set those boundaries when I've changed my lens from how do I fit in to how do I make myself feel
complete. Complete with self does not always mean comfortable, but it at least means peace with my actions.
Activism
The Activism category is a bit of a personal one for me. I grew up with a very political mother. As I grew up, learned
more about myself, politics, and the world, I realized that I didn't truly align with her views and beliefs. Although I
would absolutely love to put her on blast right now, I'm not quite ready to do that. But, perhaps if you stay tuned
you'll get to witness that messaging.
Presently, I haven't read a book that I would classify as an activism book. I'm definitely open to suggestions! The
next book on my "Activism" list is Let This Radicalize You
by Kelly Hayes and Mariame Kaba. I am hoping to gain some confidence and insight into how I can become more active in
my community and help effect change. In addition to reading, I've begun petitioning for a local city council candidate.
I'll be writing a blog post about that experience soon. For now, my guiding principle is that imperfect action is far better
than no action at all.
Interests
Finally, for my last category, I focus on books that center around my interests. I love traveling, cooking, baseball,
history, and more. I try to encourage the reading momentum to continue but also spark more joy into my day. Reading about
a topic I'm passionate about inspires me in other areas as well as scratching the itch of searching for knowledge. My first
book that fell into this category was Kitchen Confidential.
I could not believe how easy and fun this book was to read. I zoomed through it and even took some learnings away from it.
ROAST YOUR SOUP BONES!! Anyway, It sparked joy and caused me to pressure my wife into reading it as well. It was such a
pleasure to read.
In Conclusion
So, Now you understand my book philosophy, what I'm reading, and why I'm reading. If you have suggestions, whether it
be a book to read or a new category I should consider -- let me know! I'm specifically here, on this blog, to share my
ideas -- but if you ALSO want to share your ideas, I'm interesed in hearing that too. For now, I do not have any commenting
software available, so you'll have to message me on Bluesky. You can
also follow me on The Storygraph.
Mar 06, 2025
I feel like the internet has lost its way a bit. There's plenty of content out there, but this is about my experience.
I wanted a place to share my ideas, experiences, suggestions, learnings, and whatever with friends and strangers alike.
I hope that what I learn, you can extract learnings from it too. I hope my suggestions guide you to awesome results.
And... I hope my experiences are useful (and maybe funny too.)
Here's a little bit of what you can expect:
- Expect nothing. I'm here putting my thoughts out there. Oh, you're still interested? Cool! Continue reading...
- I aim to make this world a better place through empathy, education, understanding, and action.
- My personal reccomendations will be listed here from various cities, categories, and more.
- I'm totally cool with you sharing things.
- I'm not interested in taking money from you.
- I am not seeking your approval.
- I will express my political views and even throw support behind candidates.
- As often as I can, I will not link to big name sites for information, but instead try to find a smaller source.
- I will make mistakes
- ...And if I make a mistake, please let me know what I did wrong and what action you suggest I take.
- ...But that doesn't mean I'll agree with you. I at least want to consider your feedback.
A little about me...
- I'm a consultant. I've worked as a devops engineer, developer, tester, project manager, process manager, and more. I have
over 15 years of experience and I love what I do, but I don't always love the industry itself.
- I love to travel.
- I love food. I love to bake, cook, whatever. I'm always trying new things.
- I'm originally from Texas, and as you read more you'll see that I do not have a lot of love for it.
- ... But I still cheer for the Houston Astros. (And no I do not like the owner...)
- I'm an anime and gamer nerd.
- I love to build computers.
- My consulting company is Kakumei Consulting. If you want to work with me, you can find me on Kakumei's website.